If you are looking for a post about building a home or a agriculture business in California you can skip this post. It will be entirely a personal one.

All baby losses are tragic, so the title is a little redundant….

Tragic news struck the family this week. On Monday our midwife showed up and could not find a heartbeat for the 28 week-old unborn baby. We rushed to the hospital to get another ultrasound done (there was one done on Dec 12) and there it was confirmed that the baby was not alive. It hadn’t been for a couple weeks. Hannah was admitted to the hospital and they induced her. About 12 hours later she delivered the baby. It was a very similar occurrence to what happened to us 7 years ago.

Tragic as it was, we tried to take the opportunity to have lunch together with the little girls and attempt to explain to them what happened. They got to hold the baby and ask any questions that they wanted.

Difficult times bring us together….

Or tear us apart. But they don’t let things stay the same. As a family we have been trying to grieve individually and collectively. It has been hard, and some seem to be doing better than others. I intended this blog to help others who may go through similar difficulties. So I’ll talk about the things that helped my family get through this first week.

Music helps the soul

First, my wife and I love music, and I often have a theme song for the current time of my life. The wife and two little girls and I went to see Frozen 2 last week. There is a song in there that Anna sings that is how my wife and I feel

The Next Right Thing Lyrics

It always makes us cry. I think the more we cry/grieve now, the better we are to continue with our lives. Keeping it in seems unhealthy although culturally approved.

Dying isn’t free

When we lived in Utah, the funeral homes there don’t charge for the services provided with a stillborn child. We don’t live in Utah any more, and every place charges to release the baby to them and then have it cremated or otherwise… Prices range from $400-$800 and then up from there if you want casket, funeral home, or other services.

There may be a free way to do it here, but I didn’t have the presence of mind to do much more than call 5 different local funeral homes/crematoriums. For any in the area, the most considerate and cheapest (at $400) place for us was Diablo Valley Cremation

Neighborhood Friends

With not any family local we depended a lot on our church community and friends to help us out.  When the news first came that the baby had passed and Hannah would be induced on Monday night We reached out to 3 different friends to watch our 5 kids and dog. They were great! The 2 and 4 year old had never spent a night away from us. But liked it so much they didn’t want to leave.

Other friends are amazing and took charge of everything! They cleaned our home on Wednesday, and planned to bring us meals for 2 whole weeks! We’re not ones to ask for help much so those who took over were even more appreciated, because we didn’t have an opportunity to say yes or no to help

No Flow Tea

Another unfortunate occurrence of having a stillborn is that milk supply still comes in. 7 years ago it was a shock and surprise to us. We were slightly more prepared this time. However, a fantastic person made a tea that helps. The reviews rave about it. And Hannah does too. It reduces milk production the same day it’s taken. There is still milk, but it is much less, and much less painful (so I hear). Here is an image and a link to them. Thank you Pink Stork!

Amazon Link

Sweet Kids

The main difference between now and 7 years ago is that there are 5 living kids in the home. They help us stay not too sad, and bring some joy. The 14 year old has drawn some sweet pictures to help us memorialize our baby. Here are some of her pictures

And then Isla and Thea (2 yr old and 4 yr old) have been so sweet. Thea is constantly giving us hugs when we look sad. I told her “dad is going to need more hugs for a while.” And Isla keeps asking to see pictures of the baby (we took a few at the hospital). But more than that, her singing and love for life is so contagious it brings happiness to us all the time. Here is a little performance from her singing one of her favorite songs (she has a lot of favorites).

Helpful things visited

In summary, I’d say when tragedy strikes. Rely on friends, rely on family, and keep living life. I know our baby would want us to be as joyous as we can be. And, use this tragedy to help us pull together. To continue living life! We went to a pet store on saturday to visit the animals. It was great fun.

Thank you to all who helped! And I forgot to mention you it’s not that I didn’t appreciate your work, it’s that my brain still isn’t where it used to be. Thank you!